My Most Secret Secret
- Sonakshi Kurbah
- Jun 1, 2021
- 1 min read
May 2, 2021 A throbbing headache, scratchiness in the throat, a thermometer that read 100.7 degrees, fatigue so paralysing that it felt very unSonakshi. Was it that mega-nasty thing that had fucked the whole planet into a coma? The fact of the matter is – you never really know until you know.
In isolation. Looking upon the city from high windows. Deep breaths. Sigh. A bundle of nerves. May 3, 2021 9 am. Nasopharyngeal swab. Oropharyngeal swab. Thinking in question marks and exclamation points. Waiting and then waiting some more. May 4, 2021 8:30 am. One new e-mail. It was my report; one that I wasn’t too shocked to see. Still disorienting, though. You know but don’t. You’re reading but not. “Mama, I’m COVID positive” - my first text that morning.
No, I do not mean for this to be another oh-look-how-I-suffered post. You know what? It might read like one. I haven’t a clue. Sometimes, it is just hard to talk about certain experiences without an outpour of raw emotions. It hurts. It stinks. But it happens.
May 5, 2021 – May 19, 2021 The days begin to blur together. Sunrays peeked in at curious angles. The sunset peeping through the black. Pink streaks of light being stolen by the night sky.
Sometimes, it felt like being stuck on a Ferris wheel. One minute, I was on top of the world and the next, I was at rock bottom. Pills, pills, more pills.
Emotional shelter. Love and kindness coming my way from all directions. Soon, the giggly moments begin to outnumber the gloomy moods. May 21, 2021 I’m lousy at goodbyes. This one? Not so much.
NEGATIVE.
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